After not going to bed until 2:30 last night, I slept in until 9:40 this morning. Having son #3 home is a bad influence on me. He and son #2 played an online game until - well, after I went to bed. Son #2 is at his apartment across the river. He goes back to New Orleans tomorrow for the weekend to work. It seems all my children are ending up in New Orleans.

Son #1 called from Oregon this evening. He's moving about 2 hours away to someplace in Washington. I worry so about him. If I didn't believe in a higher power, I think I'd go crazy. He has to have some powerful guardian angels with him. Even he thinks so.

I stayed on NutriSystem today. I so need to loose some weight and having that left over food is working out fine. With all the work I've done lately I can't believe I haven't lost an ounce. Sigh!

I realize that I have a pattern to my feelings, emotions. After a couple of days of J being away, I start feeling flashes of tenderness for him. He'll call and, on his own, say something about 'when' we sell the AL house. I don't say anything to him, but I try and not take what he says too seriously. That's when we have trouble - when I believe and start acting on what he says.

He went to a movie with a friend. It will be the second time he's seen it because it's the same one he and the boys saw last weekend. J just likes to be around people - as long as they laugh at his jokes and pay attention to him. Nothing wrong with that, except, by far, most of the people he latches on to are seriously flawed. Some are nice people, but ones that need taking care of.

J is the type person who doesn't want to pay full price for anything - monetary, emotional, educational....you name it. He wants the perks, but doesn't think he has to earn them like everyone else. He tries to manipulate people and situations like his grandmom did. She was the master! I guess many of us are manipulative, so I'm not judging, just observing. He actually tells me I should use my wiles (sp ?) to fool him. We are so very different in so many ways. I don't want to sound as if I'm bragging, but....I 'try' to respect and adjust to his differences because that's HIM, where he tells me my differences are bad and wrong. To me, that shows no respect to me as a person.

So today went smoothly as far as J and I are concerned, I guess because he and I are not close enough to rub each other the wrong way.

I'm to the point that, most of the time, my dream is to be on my own. I think I'd feel the relief, comfort, and freedom to live my life more joyfully. I can't seem to do that with J.