It's almost midnight and I'm sitting here waiting for son #1 to call from Oregon. He's moving to Washington tomorrow - an hour or so away so he says - and for some reason he wants to talk to me and his dad. I have a feeling I know what it's about. He needs deposit money for his two dogs so they can stay in his apartment. He wants me to talk to someone's stepmom because she set up the move. I don't know what in the hell is going on and it's getting more complicated by the moment. I'm not good at these kinds of things and J - who is - is in bed asleep. I'll end up promising whatever they ask for if I'm not careful. I'm a soft touch when it comes to my kids. Especially when they are at the other end of the country and I have NO idea what's going on with them.

Today was one of those days when I thought everything was going to be simple. I had caught up on most of the time consuming chores earlier in the week, had a simple meal planned, but I ended up doing one thing after another and it seemed I'd never finish. I think days like this happen because I do think everything is under control, and since everything is under control, I can add a few more things quickly with no problem. Yeah! But I did make a pot of spaghetti for tomorrow while tonight's dinner was in the oven. I'm rarely so organized. I do one thing at a time. Maybe tomorrow will be a breeze. Sure!

Now for today's thoughts on my marriage. J came in from out-of-state. We ate, and he and son #3 went to a War Games group meeting. When they got back, son #1 had called me and him and we wondered what was going on. J told me he had had a busy, but satisfying week last week, and had another busy week ahead next week.

I've been feeling foolish about everything I've been writing. It seems so trvial, trite, shrill.... I don't know what to call it. I do know that that's what happens when we become immersed in the AL house/situation. It's been going on for so long now - over 3 years. I'm tired of it. I don't want to keep thinking about that house, working on that house, writing monthly checks for bills on that house. It makes me want out of this marriage.

I have to admit that I'm not doing anything to get out, and it embarrasses me. I think the fact that we spend so much time apart is the reason. Odd! I have time to cool off and loose my momentum.

Well, damm. I just lost half of this blog. Oh, well. To sum up, I wrote that, after I married and realized the situation I was in, I had two choices - to leave or to stay and make things as positive as I could. I read books, listened to 'experts,' and decided that the best I could do was to treat J with respect with the hope that he would live up to how he was being treated. It didn't work. He assumed he deserved it. I was losing respect for myself.

Umm....It's late, I'm losing focus, son #3 hasn't called back, so....I'm going to bed.

Tomorrow's another day. =8-0