"O Canada"

Or....considering the way my day's gone so far....Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Canada!

Now, I'm not blaming Canada for my problems. It could be our (the USA) fault, their's, UPS's, or (most likely) a combination of all three. I must give this disclaimer 'cause I have two ....er.... Canadian friends (?) to whom I seem to be the embodiment of the USA and alllllllll its perceived problems. I mean, out of the blue they'll look at me and say things like -- you know, our (Canada's) money does NOT have your (USA) symbols on it. Or they'll say -- I hope you know that most of the world doesn't like you (USA....at least I guess they mean the country and not me personally). Then they follow up by sending me articles to prove their point. ....O-KaaaAAAAaaaay.

The above paragraph has nothing to do with what happened today. :/

Back on point. While sitting in the chair in my stylist's shop waiting for the color she's smeared on my head to work its magic, I decide that I really need to mail those packages I've been carrying around in the back seat of my car. So, after the grey roots have gone Kur-Poof! I get in the car and head to my neighborhood hardware store to have them ship the packages. Of course that's after I stop by the little shop in front of my hairdresser's and buy 4 (yes, four bottles of oil for my lamp Berger). They were on sale.

Sheesh! I can't seem to keep on topic today.

OK. Onward to the hardware store. Arrive at store. Walk unsteadily (balancing three awkward boxes) to UPS shipping desk. (Along the way I'm stopped and engaged in conversation with one of the friendly workers. ....Which is probably why, all day, my brain has been trying to finish up the ditty: 'Ace is the place with....')

Well, since this post may never make it to the end, let me explain something else of absolutely no relevance. You see, with my husband traveling the way he does I'm a frequent customer of the hardware store, and I'm usually frantic (and clueless) when I go in. Something's broken at my house and I don't have any idea how to fix it. So....I go to the hardware store, tell them my problem, and (bless them) they always have a suggestion (and a tool, or something) for fixing the problem. That's why we have such a special relationship.

OK. I'm (finally) at the UPS shipping counter. First package (to Michigan) weighed, measured, label printed. Done. Second package (to Ohio) weighed, measured, label printed. Done. Third package (the one to Canada) weighed, measured.... uh oh, label won't print. Manager called. He has no clue. They tell me I'm the first person to ship internationally from the store. (!) I sense this isn't going to progress smoothly so I start (gently) suggesting that I'll ship package #3 later. (Meaning, of course, that I'll take it to a regular UPS shipping place.) Oh, no! they say. We need to learn how to do it in case you or someone else needs this service again. (which i won't!)

So, after three (male) employees confer (has anyone else ever noticed that men must do things in groups?), they decide to call the UPS help number. Mèrde! I stand there, smiling. Why do I do that??

OK. Problem fixed. FYI: Canadian zip codes are: letter, number, letter, number (or vice versa, I forget). Apparently I had copied what should have been a 'zero' as an 'o'. But..uh oh. Label still won't print. There's too much info to fit the address blank. Male employee asks me if 'such and such' is the street number. I say I have no idea. That I know nothing about Canada except that some of them don't like me/us very much. I start feeling foolish, and when I'm feeling foolish I usually start jibber-jabbering which makes me look (and feel) even more foolish. I tell the male employee that I don't really know the woman I'm sending the package to except over the net. Of course he's a male and couldn't care less about that type of information, but....the female employee standing nearby is interested. So I tell her the story of how I know this lovely Canadian lady I'm (attempting) to send a package. The story involves homeschooling, message boards, hurricanes, traveling and is waaaaaaay l-o-n-g. But even after my long story the frickin' label still won't print. Another call to UPS help desk. Crap-ola.

OK. Problem fixed. (Yeah. Sure.) UPS help person says we/I need phone number of person package is being shipped to -- which I have....at my house. So, I zip home, get phone # and zip back to hardware store. My guy has just left for lunch. In all fairness he didn't think I was coming back that soon. Manager tells me I can just leave the phone #, pay, and they'll handle it. Hallelujah! This had become a personal challenge. That package was going to get mailed TODAY! ....Or so I hoped.

So I head to Target and spend way too much time and money. And....I discover that there is a Lowe's and a Best Buy being built righ smack dab next to Target. These stores will be almost within walking distance of me -- if it were possible to walk along the busy two-lane road with open ditches on the side without being killed or maimed. And can anyone tell me why they are building these big-box stores in such a place?

OK. Back home. I feel good (like James Brown). Packages shipped. Stuff I really don't need in Target bags. Excited about Lowe's and Best Buy -- even tho I'll bitch about the added traffic. Now to make a pot of coffee. But....wait. The red light on the answer machine is blinking. Check caller id. It's the hardware store.

I have got to end this post that's lost its way, so -- long story short. I make yet another trip to hardware store because there is a form that must be signed giving power or attorney to 'someone.' (WTF!) While at the store, after yet another call to UPS help desk, the super-friendly employee who's helping me (and who I think has taken getting this package shipped to Canada as a personal challenge also) realizes that he never needed to make that last call to the help desk because the instructions had been printed out with the power of attorney form. He made a point of showing me. And....in the end, a store employee (and not me) needed to sign the form. Which means I didn't need to be back there after all. :/ He did let me sign the witness blank....

I must give the employee some brownie points or something, because he didn't have to tell me that he'd messed up and had me make an unnecessary trip. Had I been him, I don't think I'd have had the courage.

So my packages were all shipped. (What a waste of space this post has been.)